Letting go and letting God

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart
 And do not lean on your own understanding.

6In all your ways acknowledge Him,
  And He will make your paths straight.

- Proverbs 3: 5-6

Lately, I have been feeling lost. Things around me isn't going the way it should. I am reaping the consequences of my decision to leave a job that's making me miserable. Yes, I am happier now, I have more time for myself. I want to focus all my energy and talents in giving back to the community and in thanking God but the financial responsibility surrounding me is overwhelming. I have a dream and I've been praying for 2 years for this dream but even this is not looking too good. We lost a driver we trust and treated like family because of an accident. We lost our band's drummer because of difference in priorities. We lost the ability to accept events even for free because of financial issues. We are being evicted from our home, and we may need to live without electricity for a week. What must a Mom do? Must I leave the life I want for myself and re-enter the corporate world even though my heart is telling me otherwise? Do I really not deserve the luxury of doing what I want to do? Are my kids really not meant for something bigger?

NO!!! Away with this negativity! God said to trust in Him with all my heart and that is what I choose to do. My dreams are in their gestation period and it will be ready soon! God has different plans for the people we lost. Their roles in our book of life is done and we must close that chapter so that we can start the new and better chapter. We will find a house soon. Our finances will be better and everything will fall in it's proper order. These too will pass. I must not lose my focus. I will do my best and let God do the rest. 

Facing Trials

"My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble. You know that you have learn to endure by having your faith tested. But you must learn to endure everything, so that you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything." - James 1: 2-4

This verses in the book of James were followed by "5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." It struck me how in this verses, experiencing trouble is co-related with receiving anything from the Lord. Digging deeper into this, I guess what James meant was when you dream, unexpected hurdles will arise. But you must not give up on your dream because of this hurdles, for they are a test of your character and they will make you a better and stronger person. They will prepare you for your dream. So, you just have to believe and pray.

Last week, my family received multiple blessings from God. 3 TV guesting for our band A.K.A., 2 on major networks in the country which we can only dream to penetrate. A successful show on a Monday! We were so happy going home from that show when WHAM! at 3:00 in the morning, our vehicle crashed head on to a post. My son Aiki who was then seated in front with the driver said, it was a good thing I woke up when the vehicle was flying through the air and screamed my lungs out. Otherwise, our driver and him (Aiki) wouldn't have woken up. We could all have been dead by now. I feel my knees grow weaker just thinking about what could have happened if the brakes were not hit hard enough on time, or what if the breaks did not work? The post would have split our van into halves, my son would seated in front would have flown out of the windshield, my daughter sleeping in my lap would have been torn in to half by the torso, and my other son, Kevin would have died too since he was seated in the middle. My mom and I along with our driver, our drummer, and another friend would have survived with some cuts and broken bones but... losing 3 kids in an instant? I would have gone crazy. Thank God, I was the one who was most hurt by that accident. Yes, I still can't barely move my left arm, yes, I still can't sit, lie down, and stand without assistance, yes, the pain in my ribs still can make me scream sometimes, but thank You Lord. Thank You Lord. Thank You Lord for sparing my kids from bodily harm. Thank You Lord. 

Now, my kids and I are still afraid to travel again. I was in the entertainment industry for a long time, I traveled to different provinces everyday from morning until the wee hours of the next day but I had never experienced an accident. This is my first. And it scared the hell out of me. Should we quit accepting shows now? Should we just stay home and be safe? No! This is just another hurdle. We will overcome this and we will continue dreaming. Our destinies will not be altered because of this incident. 
6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt. 
Yes Lord, I believe. I trust. I expect. I know that beautiful things will be coming soon. Thank You Lord. 

https://www.facebook.com/confessionsofsinner